-trust-

[demonlurking]

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this references netflix's Nimona, if you haven't seen it, do so.

once upon a time, i trusted someone.
i though they were my Balister.
they turned out to be my Gloreth.

now ... i'm trying to figure out where to go from here.
i don't want to wait a thousand years for someone to accept me.
do i continue as i have been? do i "run-away" to live with family with unknown prospects for the future? they've offered. i could.
but i have kids who i would miss and who might not understand.
life right now is stable (i have housing, i have employment, both kinda suck but could be worse). do i risk that for something that could be better, or could be worse?

yes, it's New Year's Day and i am drinking and watching Nimona for, like, the thousandth time. (i really wish Netflix would release it on physical media.) no one reads these anyway, so why do i care.

here i am on New Year's Day feeling vulnerable and betrayed , what's new. tomorrow (tonight, whatever), i go to work as usual at the job i hate to afford the apartment that (while nice) is a symbol of the relationship i thought i had that i have lost.

once again, here i go, screaming into the void, whatever

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