work is work

[demonlurking]

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so, as promised, here is a piece of my poetry. it's a bit depressing, and this one is from my freshman year of college, it's not the best and it doesn't explain anything about me anymore, but it exists and, if anyone is interested, here it is:

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life stands still
by lurker

as the world rolls on
                      my life stands still
    and I see Her life move on
                               into higher realms
            of knowledge
if I fall down
 would anyone stop
            and pick me up
 will anyone stoop
            so low to pull me out
                  out of the pits
        of despair and depression
is there anyone
    who will save me
who will save my soul
    for my love goes out
                      to one
                         who gives none
                                     in return
why do I do this
    to myself
when She does not notice
must I die
    to be feared for
must I go to the extreme
    for anyone to notice
is it truly my lot
    to suffer
       beyond most men's comprehension
or do I search
  for ones who will make
my life a misery
    and do we all go
        to the same lengths
            to get the things
                we want or need
do we all see the end
 when we reach it
  or do we just fall off
   when we get there
    whether we see it 
or not
is the end so close now
    that I cannot see it
will She even notice
  that I am gone
will anyone stop me
 if I tried
for one day I will try
        and if I do
       will there be anyone
   who will help
or who will care
 to stop me
will no one build
     my ego up
     to the point
where I would not
    want to die
            walk to the mirror
            put the gun to my head
            look me in the eye
            pull the trigger
     end my life
 end the suffering
            end the pain
end the anger
   end the hate

end the joy
    end the love
would I do this
  would anybody care
would anybody notice
     what would they do
what would they say
perhaps someone would
                pull me up 
                        out of the pits
                                   of death and desire
will I survive
will I go on
will my soul have a future
will my love
        for Her
            end my life
or will my love
           bring me happiness
maybe one day
        maybe someday
this heartache will end
one way or another
my heart dies in pain
my heart will live on 
          in Her pain
and I will be vindicated
         for the pain inflicted
by Her upon my heart
and one day I will be whole
            I shall be one
and this heartache will end

copyright 1995

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Comments

Re: as always

[demonlurking]

yeah, someday. but i figured i'd start by reposting my old stuff.
*shrug*
it's all still available off my website, but this is a little more public and not nearly as obscure. =)